The train lurched forward. Sitting by the open window I could feel the wind rush past my face. Were it not for the slight humidity it felt cool, almost refreshing. There is something about being on a train for 15 hours. You have time to sit, to read, to be, to gaze out on the rolling hills and open country sides. I felt like I was living 100 years earlier. I could stand and stick my head out the open window and gaze outside for hours on end. Looking down at times, my eyes would catch a river flowing down below a bridge that we were passing on or suddenly we would enter a tunnel and there would be pitch blackness. I have been reading a book by Jane Austen and another called The Road of Lost Innocence by Somaly Mam. Two moving stories. The first set in an era where women were all about balls and finding a partner and life's small but significant adventures and the second, the story of a young girl who was sold into sexual slaver, her thoughts, emotions and fight for freedom. There is something about combining the two in my heart and mind. Something that makes me dream.

Here in Thailand it is a normal for me to see a western man with a Thai woman, some of whom are very young. There is something about the bar scene that saddens but fills me with hope and expectation. I feel like when there is often no more hope, when the walls seem high, that is when the power of love is revealed. As I sit on a side street in the bustling city of Bangkok, my heart is dreaming. I keep thinking about anointing and destiny. In Isaiah God anointed Cyrus to bring treasures out of darkness. God promised to do the impossible so that He would be glorified. I want to see God do the impossible here. I don't want to just get caught up in watching things pass by. I want to be a part of it. Living in the adventure. While I was in Chiang Mai this week, my friends and I took a trip down a river on a rafting tour. It def wasn't as dangerous as it sounds, but it was so much fun. I think I was created for adventure. There is something about bringing strength, feeling the rush of the wind and knowing that life depends on it, that gives me joy. What is it that brings you joy? Don't get caught in the trap of thinking and settling for less. Gaze out the window, feel the wind in your face, look up into the expanse of sky and let dreams come alive.

Fingerprint of Heaven...thoughts for 2010

A breakthrough of love...what does it look like to make a mark on the land? I see God reaching down and pushing His fingerprints into the ground like soft clay. He is with me. I move in Him and He moves in me. There is so much on my heart sometimes it feels like it is going to burst. There is so much more. So much more of His love that I want to see. I want to see women who once sold their bodies dancing in freedom and pure joy. I want to see children jumping and leaping in shouts of faith. I want to see heaven touch earth. I don't know what that looks like. But I want to see it. I want to dream big with the Dreamer of Heaven. I want to see...to see things that are in heaven and speak them out on earth. I am asking for more revelation and wisdom. So much of it is about love. I want to be so filled with His love. So utterly consumed. This love goes beyond earth, it is the fingerprint of heaven...LOVE.

Koh Samet

Harbor...love all the colors

Fishing I think

Dreams

So I had this dream about two or three weeks ago. Somehow I ended up following this girl as she was walking down the sidewalk. I kept my distance and watched as she went and stood by a table that was set for two people. Stopping at the table, she looked at the settings and I could feel that something inside of her was missing and longing for what she had experienced there, true love. It was then that she turned around and as she came towards me I opened my arms and embraced her. Immediately I felt the love from the Holy Spirit come and touch her through me. She felt it too although I instinctively knew that she didn't understand what was going on. The dream continued by us being in this car in the middle of the road. I was with two other women who were also on this "outreach" with me. I looked at the girl I had run into on the streets and started telling her that it wasn't worth it, to sell her body and that only God is worth her love. I remember her looking at me questioningly with doubt and a hardness that prevented her from really being able to really receive what I was saying. At this point I suddenly heard sirens. They were coming from fire trucks that were nearing us. We were warned that there was a huge tree in the forest near us that was about to fall and they were trying to get to it to cut it down before this disaster happened. The dream ended by me putting my foot on the gas pedal and reversing.

I believe that God gave me this dream as a warning for a situation that me and my ministry team have been dealing with over the past couple weeks. What is even more significant is that recently me and the two other women in my dream ended up having an encounter with a girl who I believe was represented by the woman who had stopped at the tables in my dream. There is a lot of heavy spiritual stuff going on in her life and me and my teammates really need God's divine discernment.

Here in Thailand I meet many people here who dream. Dreams are one of the ways that God speaks to His children. So many times we can get caught up in life and as we sleep we are in a place of rest where God can often get our attention. Dreams can also be a target for Satan's attacks. Often in the area God desires to speak to and through us the most will be attacked. In my own life I have seen how satan wants to mess with my ability to love and causes me to doubt the impulse of the Spirit within me. I am working on that here in Thailand. I want to be in a place where I receive deeply from God's love and that I am not afraid to step out and risk my own "face" in order to bring His light into darkness. Here in Thailand I also need discernment. Ephesian 1 where Paul talks about the Father of glory giving a spirit of wisdom and revelation to those who love Him and His people, has been one of my prayers. I want to be able to see more into the supernatural realm. I want to experience the same power that raised Jesus from the dead!

I have also been reminded a lot lately of dreams that God has put inside me since I was young. Recently as I was praying in my room He said, "Janie, close your eyes." I saw this puppy come and lick my face all over. I smiled. The Lord spoke to me and said that the things I have longed for even as a little girl are being given to me now. I remember that when I was young I wanted so much to love on the hurting and broken, especially children. I also remember that as I was learning sign language in high school, I had dreamed of some day using it overseas. Just the other day I was with one of the other volunteers here. She was going to buy some T-shirts from a woman who is deaf. While I was with here, I started signing with her and SHE COULD UNDERSTAND ME!! I was soo excited! I was able to pray over her in sign and communicate enough to be able to have some what of a conversation. Haha! My brain was so tired that night. Having to think in Thai and then in sign was a stretch. But I was soo happy as I thought of the amazingness of God and how He remembers and gives me the desires of my heart. There are a lot of deaf people out here on the streets of Bangkok selling things and I am looking forward to building relationship with them in the days ahead.

So there ya go. A little more of an update for all of you who are following my e-mails and blog. :) I pray that you are encouraged to pay attention to the dreams that God gives you. He has great things in store for each of His children!

LOVE

I want to Love in such a way that the powers of darkness are reminded that they have been disarmed.

I want Love to come and breathe through me so the spirits of the dead come alive.

I want to love till the passion of heaven, the warmth and fire of His mercy and justice come and embrace the most hurting and broken.

I want the love that I carry to be so strong that by a very glance or touch, healing and deliverance come.

I want to see a generation taking hold of their inheritance as sons and daughters of heaven rising up from the darkness and causing the heads of nations to turn and know that there is a Saving God

I want to see people touched with Jesus' tenderness and heart of unabashed justice that pursues till the end. This is not just a love you hear about in church and forget about the moment you step outside the doors of comfort into the real world. I am talking about a radical encounter with the heart of the Father. With a love that touches ones core. I am talking about a love that is real and simple and beautiful. I am talking about love that you don't have to strive or perform well for. I am talking about the kind of love that embraces. I see this love at work when I walk into the bars. I see those girls dancing and men staring and I see their beautiful faces and their pain and the work they have accepted as necessary and from within me rises up a rushing emotion of passionate love, a river that pushes it's way to the windows of my soul. I am talking about the kind of love that goes out and has dinner with a woman who the moment you say goodbye to is going back to the street to look for a customer. And then she comes and finds you the very next morning because even tho she can't fully embrace the fullness of love and transformation Jesus offers, she can't stay away. I am talking about little children who are being used on the streets to sell gum for the profit of someone else smiling and laughing because someone cared enough to stop and wrap their arms around them and whisper acceptance into their ear.

I want to encounter this Love.

To wake up in the morning in it's arms. To face suffering, conflict and persecution sustained by His presence. I have to have Jesus' presence! Oh God...let me embrace the time to wait on You. To give You the place in my life You deserve. When all is over and passes away I want to be found in love with the Greatest Lover the world has ever known.

I want to see Love come.

A Glimpse Into My Life

Thailand! There are many days when I have to pinch and remind myself that I am REALLY here! I love the people, all the colors, night life when the streets are lit and people are out selling all kinds of meat, rice, fruit, etc. and the fact that is has been quite cool the past couple days. I have gotten quite accustomed to sweating ALL the time tho. :) Just can't get away from that one. I love all my Thai sisters here! Taking language classes five mornings a week is helping me obtain somewhat of a vocabulary and my friends are very gracious in listening and letting me try to speak. Outreaches have been one of the highlights of my time here. Even tho it is such a very spiritually dark atmosphere, I find so much joy in loving in places like this. Constantly I am reminded how much I am dependent on God for His presence to fill me. I want to be so consumed in His love that those I look at and touch are impacted. I want to see heaven come down to earth and transform lives.

During the beginning of the second week I was here, I was tying to go to sleep one night and as I was laying there, I suddenly had this picture come to my mind. I saw myself walking down the streets of Bangkok with Jesus. As we walked on the uneven cement sidewalk surrounded with cars on one side and storefronts on the other, I saw this woman with a little baby begging with a cup in her hand. In this picture I saw myself stoop down to sit beside her and then take her baby and hold him/her in my arms. As the baby was in my arms I started praying over him/her asking that the Holy Spirit would come on this little life to break any curses and bring life. As this picture faded, something inside me came to the surface and lying there on my bed I started to weep uncontrollably. I knew that it was God's heart awakening in me.

The very next day I was walking with one of my friends to go run some errands. (This is in real life now :). There in front of one of the shops sat a young girl with a tiny baby laying on a bed of clothe on the ground in front of her. The only things she had with her were two bottles and a cup for coins. Turning aside, my friend and I knelt down beside her. I pulled out a few coins and dropped them in her cup. In broken Thai, my friend discovered that the baby was only 4 days old. The girl kept glancing up nervously and looking around. As we sat there I put my hand on the infant's tummy and started praying silently. We left shortly after and I haven't seen them since then.

I never know when there will be an encounter with someone that is part of God's bigger plan for me being here. Here is one of those random/fun encounters...One of the first days I was here, I was enjoying some time in the park near my apartment. As I was sitting on a bench, this very cute older Thai woman came walking passed me and on her second time around the fountain, she stopped and reached out her hand. I understood that she wanted me to walk with her. I smiled, stood up and took her hand. A short time later, her daughter and son in law came. They both spoke English and so we talked for a little while. It made me so happy to meet all of them and especially the older woman whom they call "ma". I hadn't seen her since then and then the other day my friends and I walked into one of the pharmacies here. Standing behind the counter I saw the older woman, her daughter and son in law. As my friends were making their purchases, the "daughter" looked at me and said, "Oh, she is friend, I give discount." lol! I never know what kind of contacts I will make here. :). Well I better go, it is near 6:30 and we are going to pray and go on our outreach into the bars. I hope that this has given you a little glimpse into my life here in Thailand. O God, let Your Kingdom come!

My First Day in Thailand

Tuesday, October 6th, 2009

This morning at 8:50am I left my house and headed down the street/alley where I live now in Bangkok, Thailand, passed through a small but beautiful park and headed toward the office building of NightLight. I was supposed to meet one of the other staff members there and go with her to morning worship at a nearby church. Somehow she wasn't there but I ended up meeting and walking over with one of the lovely Thai women who works at NightLight. I left my sandals at the bottom of the flight of stairs and as we wound the staircase I could hear the sound of guitar, drums and women singing. Entering the room I saw that the room was filled with Thai women, all whom are employees at NightLight and have come out of the rampant business of prostitution. It was almost too much for my heart to contain. Although I didn't know what they were singing, my spirit immediately responded in recognition that the Spirit of the Living God was there. I saw several women raising their hands in worship and knew that it was heartfelt. After worship and a devotion, the women began their work making jewelry. This morning I joined them. I love the Thai culture and how friendly everyone is. Sitting at one of the tables with three other women who were completing jewelry orders, I attempted to make a beaded ring which one of the girls graciously helped me with. When I asked her how old she was she covered her face with her hands, giggled and said, "you guess." I laughed and told her I didn't want to. :) In Thai culture it is very common to ask someone their age as this will allow you to differentiate from whether they are an older sister, "pee sow" or younger sister "norng sow". This week I am making it a goal to personally connect with one women who works at NightLight each day. Next week I will be starting language courses as well as discovering what I will be doing with the children here. This afternoon one of the other staff girls needed to go the the doctor which is at a nearby hospital. This hospital in Bangkok puts all American hospitals to shame. It is more like a beautiful hotel. Amazing! On our way back from the hospital we passed down the street where NightLight has their bar outreaches twice a week. Especially in this part of town it is very common to see western men and scantly dressed women walking down the street or having a drink in a bar. The way you reach them...one person at a time, one smile at a time, valuing each life. Please pray for me that I will love to the fullest.

Do You Hear Their Cries?

Do you ever think about what drives you? What is it that stirs you and motivates you to action? When I was young I remember sitting in the pews at church and watching slide shows of little children with bloated bellies, pleading eyes and only a few scraps of cloth to cover their scarred bodies. Time after time my heart would be pulled to be involved, to love the ones that others had given up on and despised. Not until God opened the door for me to go to Africa last November and Him basically pushing me through it, did I realize how much I had even given up on the longings and dreams inside me. The dream to love the unlovely and touch the untouchable. During the 10 hour bumpy buss ride from Nairobi to Kitale, Kenya, my friend shared with me about a ministry in Bangkok, Thailand which has a passion to reach out to the prostituted women who live in the red light districts. Thailand is a transit, destination and source country for prostitution in the world. There are many "push" factors that force women and girls to enter a life of sexual slavery and servitude. Particularly in Thailand, the girls are expected to be the main bread earners for the family while the boys serve as Buddhist monks to secure their families spiritual blessing. The women that NightLight meets in the bars two nights a week are between the ages of 17 to 50. By building relationship with these girls, they discover that they don't have to be involved in this industry. NightLight currently offers 85 women employment in their jewelry making business, NightLight Design Company, Ltd. These woman are offered the opportunity to receive inner healing and explore areas that once have held shame for them such as dance and beauty. Hearing about this ministry, something inside of me was stirred. There is a verse that I read recently in the book of Lamentations. It is speaking about Israel who is like a prostitute. This is what God says, "The enemy has plundered her completely, taken away every precious thing she owns. She has seen foreigners violate her sacred Temple, the place the LORD had forbidden them to enter." On an average, 7 out of 10 tourist men who come to Bangkok, come there for the sex industry. God's heart is breaking for these women who have been violated. If you read the book of Lamentation through the eyes of a broken and battered woman you will have see the heart the Father has for those who are caught in prostitution today. In chapter 3 verses 55-57 she, the prostitute cries out, "But I called on Your name, LORD, from deep within the pit. You heard me when I cried, 'Listen to my pleading! Hear my cry for help!' Yes, You came when I called. You told me, 'Do not fear.'" I wonder how many hear the cries of these 2 million prostitutes in Thailand or the 27 million people enslaved around the world who long for freedom but don't know that it really exists. Coupled with illegal arms, prostitution/human trafficking is the fastest growing criminal industry in the world. God's heart of mercy and justice is beating. It is beating through the hearts of passionate men and women who are willing to take a risk and go into the dark places around the world and recover these treasures hidden in darkness. So many see them as used goods. God sees treasures. There is a cost for seeing and hearing. Many just want to close their eyes. But then they miss seeing the eyes of Jesus. For it is in the most broken that His love often is revealed. The power of His love is enough. So let His love throb in your heart. Let it move you to action. Let His love so fill your spirit that you are moved to action, to touch the untouchable and most broken. Some are called to go, we are all called to love. Don't just sit in the pew and watch the slide show. Get on your face and let the love of God move you and drive you to action.

For more information check out this website: www.nightlightinternational.com

Express and explore

I am nervous...why?

why do I feel uneasy about going home? 

why do I feel unsettled as to what the future holds?

why am I fighting to stay in a place of love and not fear in my friendships?

I want to cry...

why do I suddenly feel depressed and like crying?

my hope is in You, Lord.

I wait for You...long for You.

I don't want to leave Hawaii...leave this safe place where I didn't have to deal with other things...

Something tells me I am being unrealistic...

but I must express

and what is it that I am tired of?

I am tired of fighting...

I don't want to loose this budding creativity inside. I want to explore...I must explore

or else put me inside a box and keep me there...but I don't want to be hidden...

I wasn't meant to be hidden

so I must express and explore.

God, it is You and me. The rawness of You and me.

Limitless One, my very Best Friend.

Take these thoughts, take control, mold me.

Hawaii Visit!

I am sitting in my brother's living room. Gazing out the large open windows I have a 180 degree view of the beaches of Oahu near Honolulu and it is breathtaking! Directly in the center is a huge crater. This morning I took a short walk along a mountain ridge that overlooks the ocean. While walking it started raining and the light cool showers mixing with the warm island breeze was incredibly refreshing. :) I feel so blessed to be here! 

What?! Did I Just Get Offered a Job??

It was a Sunday evening at the beginning of June. My friend Mandy and I decided to stop by and see some of our friends who were eating at a local Thai restaurant. As soon as we entered, another friend, Pieter introduced me to a girl whom I later discovered is the daughter of the owners of the Thai restaurant. As soon as she found out that I was planning on going to Thailand this Fall, she immediately suggested that I come in sometime and she could help me learn Thai! I was really excited because this was something that I had been wanting for awhile. But this wasn't all! Curious as to when I should come in, I asked her what time during the week she was free. Without hesitation she asked me if I was busy on the weekends and said that she could offer me a job during Friday and Saturday evenings. The whole time I was thinking, "Am I hearing correctly? Did she just offer me a job?!" Yes...she did and two Saturdays later I was helping to serve drinks, seat people and learning how to say "hello" and "thank you" in Thai! This was yet another one of those little confirmations that God has been given me that yes, He is preparing to send me to Thailand! 

The Story Behind the Name

Welcome to my blog!! Seeing as I love to write and I want to keep in touch with many of you, I thought that I should start one :). For those of you who are wondering why I chose the title that I did...here is the story.

In the summer of 2007, a couple of my close friends and I were up in the high school room at Grace. While we were spending time praying, one of my friends turned to me and said that she had this picture of me in two places. The first was a cave and inside the cave a gentle rain was falling. I was there inside this place of shelter and it was very refreshing. Outside the cave or shelter, she saw another place, a dry and scorched land where the overwhelming feeling was of despair and of giving up. It is a place where I come to the conclusion of "oh well" in ministry and relationships. But she also saw a bridge between these two places and the bridge represented trust and invitation. After describing this to me, she shared that she believed that Jesus wants me to take others into the shelter with me, to explore the tunnels in this cave. I wrote in my journal, "Janie, it is time to let them in. There is to be no more hiding in the cave and living in the desert. I want you to abide in the shelter of My presence always, let My Spirit refresh you and go deeper with Jesus. Bring others with you." 

And this is what I desire to do. Recently God has again been speaking to me of coming out of hiding and "proclaiming from the housetops" so to speak what He has and is whispering in my ear. I want you to be able to join me as I go deeper into the cave. He is my Shelter and Rain...and this is the name that describes who I am in Him.

Psalm 91:1